A Streetcar Named Marge

Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you’re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box… Here’s to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life’s problems. Ahoy hoy? Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me. Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?*

Cape Feare

Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you’re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box… Get ready, skanks! It’s time for the truth train! …And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night. D’oh. And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker.

  • Last night’s “Itchy and Scratchy Show” was, without a doubt, the worst episode *ever.* Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.
  • Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There’s a *New* Mexico?

Life on the Fast Lane

Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark. Stan Lee never left. I’m afraid his mind is no longer in mint condition. Kids, kids. I’m not going to die. That only happens to bad people. Inflammable means flammable? What a country.

Natural Born Kissers

He didn’t give you gay, did he? Did he?! Uh, no, they’re saying “Boo-urns, Boo-urns.” Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman — and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing. Thank you, steal again.

  1. Last night’s “Itchy and Scratchy Show” was, without a doubt, the worst episode *ever.* Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.
  2. He didn’t give you gay, did he? Did he?!
  3. Ahoy hoy?
A Fish Called Selma

Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use. Fire can be our friend; whether it’s toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie. Can’t you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can’t be policing the entire city!

A Streetcar Named Marge

D’oh. Please do not offer my god a peanut. Homer no function beer well without.

Your guilty consciences may make you vote Democratic, but secretly you all yearn for a Republican president to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king! Last night’s “Itchy and Scratchy Show” was, without a doubt, the worst episode *ever.* Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world. Save me, Jeebus. Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love! Don’t kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he’d eat you and everyone you care about!

Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. Oh, I’m in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don’t have to listen to myself. I’m drunk. When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he’s holding a gun. What good is money if it can’t inspire terror in your fellow man? Thank you, steal again.




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